Here we have the 6th full-length LP from Grapevine, Texas rapper, singer/songwriter & producer Post Malone. Rising to stardom in 2015 with the single “White Iverson”, this resulted in him signing to Republic Records quickly makjng himself home ever since by dropping his last 5 albums & a mixtape. Now even though I’ve never really been the biggest fan of Posty’s work, there’s no denying that he has a decent amount of tracks that I genuinely enjoy like “Congratulations” as well as “rockstar” & who could forget “Sunflower”? Hell I even liked his sophomore effort beerbongs & bentleys, which I maintain is the crown jewel of his discography. Hollywood’s Bleeding rode the emo rap coattails, his Mercury Records debut under it’s revival as a Republic subsidiary 12kt Toothace felt like 1-long song & Austin was mid to the point where Posty finally succumbed to Lil B’s tweet about him going country in 2017 on F-1,000,000,000,000.
“Wrong Ones” featuring Tim McGraw starts by bringing the 2 together over a guitar advising to keep the cold ones coming whereas “Finer Things” featuring Hank Williams Jr. talks enjoying all the finer stuff in life. “I Had Some Help” featuring Morgan Wallen was a patience testing lead single mutating country pop, pop rock & country rock tackling the theme of relationship struggles just before “Pour Me a Drink” featuring Blake Shelton works in some bro-country undertones looking for a buzz.
Dolly Parton saves one of the album’s best features for “Have the Heart” talking about not having it in either one of them to break each others’ hearts leading into the country pop flavored “What Don’t Belong to Me” telling his partner he can’t give her what doesn’t belong to him. “Goes Without Saying” featuring Brad Paisley is a country rock breakup ballad coming to terms with their ex-girlfriends not rekindling the flame, but then “Guy for That” featuring Luke Combs continues the country & rock hybrids talking about being good at breaking hearts.
“Nosedive” featuring Lainey Wilson is this acoustic duet reminding that every thorn has it’s rose while “Losers” featuring Jelly Roll starts the 2nd half of the LP for a legitimately enjoyable tribute to all the outcasts. “Devil I’ve Been” featuring Ernest delivers a contemporary country vibe being fed up with living a life of sin while the southern “Never Love You Again” featuring Sierra Ferrell talks the road not being their friends & the long, lost highway ahead of them.
Luke Combs joins Posty yet again on the stripped-back “Missin’ You Like This” so they can both cry over exes they still dream of all these years later while “California Sober” featuring Chris Stapleton turns the country pop influences back up telling the story of a woman on the run after stealing some sucker’s money. The contemporary country-inspired “Hide My Gun” featuring Hardy asks their lovers if they would conceal their weapons while “Right About You” goes country rock once more asking if she’d still love him if we were down bad & at home.
“M-E-X-I-C-O” nears the conclusion of F-1,000,000,000,000 pulling from traditional country hangin’ ’round & broken down with a settled downtown girl prior to her diplomatic father giving him a significant amount of money for him to leave the country heading to the continent of South America while “Yours” serves as an acoustic closer paying tribute to his own daughter telling her that she’ll always be his little girl knowing one day a special man will come in her life & they’ll get married.
Starting the Long Bed deluxe run, “Fallin’ in Love” is this tacky country rock cut talking about him falling in love becoming inevitable while “Dead at the Honky Tonk” continues the aesthetics from previously singing about a hole in his heart. “Killed a Man” tries to get in his outlaw bag falling flat on his face while “Ain’t How It Ends” keeps it traditionally country whining to a woman that this can’t be the way their relationship ends.
“Hey Mercedes” throws the rock influences in the picture again asking the titular character what she has planned for tonight while the contemporary country joint “Go to Hell” sings about a love interest making him feel right & being unable to figure out exactly what makes him feel that way about her. “2 Hearts” strips things back telling us what happens when 2 hearts split in 2 while the peppy “Who Needs You?” shrugging off a bitch since he can break himself into 2. The final bonus track “Back to Texas” goes contemporary again for a tribute to the titular state.
7 years after The Based God predicted it, Post Malone has finally gone full-blown Kid Rock making his official country debut like the WWE Hall of Famer himself did resulting in one of the worst albums of this decade just like the new Falling in Reverse album Popular Monster. His takes on contemporary country, country pop, pop rock, country rock & bro-country feels more of a cash-grab as opposed to passionate although some of the guests’ performances either outshine him or match his level of awful. You’re much better off listening to Slumerican Records artist Tony Martinez’ new debut album Everywhere West, Johnny Cash’s latest posthumous effort Songwriter, Beyoncé’s 2nd act of her ongoing trilogy Cowboy Carter or even Willie Nelson’s best late career album The Border instead.
Score: 0.5/5
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