Post Malone – “F-1,000,000,000,000” review

Here we have the 6th full-length LP from Grapevine, Texas rapper, singer/songwriter & producer Post Malone. Rising to stardom in 2015 with the single “White Iverson”, this resulted in him signing to Republic Records quickly makjng himself home ever since by dropping his last 5 albums & a mixtape. Now even though I’ve never really been the biggest fan of Posty’s work, there’s no denying that he has a decent amount of tracks that I genuinely enjoy like “Congratulations” as well as “rockstar” & who could forget “Sunflower”? Hell I even liked his sophomore effort beerbongs & bentleys, which I maintain is the crown jewel of his discography. Hollywood’s Bleeding rode the emo rap coattails, his Mercury Records debut under it’s revival as a Republic subsidiary 12kt Toothace felt like 1-long song & Austin was mid to the point where Posty finally succumbed to Lil B’s tweet about him going country in 2017 on F-1,000,000,000,000.

“Wrong Ones” featuring Tim McGraw starts by bringing the 2 together over a guitar advising to keep the cold ones coming whereas “Finer Things” featuring Hank Williams Jr. talks enjoying all the finer stuff in life. “I Had Some Help” featuring Morgan Wallen was a patience testing lead single mutating country pop, pop rock & country rock tackling the theme of relationship struggles just before “Pour Me a Drink” featuring Blake Shelton works in some bro-country undertones looking for a buzz.

Dolly Parton saves one of the album’s best features for “Have the Heart” talking about not having it in either one of them to break each others’ hearts leading into the country pop flavored “What Don’t Belong to Me” telling his partner he can’t give her what doesn’t belong to him. “Goes Without Saying” featuring Brad Paisley is a country rock breakup ballad coming to terms with their ex-girlfriends not rekindling the flame, but then “Guy for That” featuring Luke Combs continues the country & rock hybrids talking about being good at breaking hearts.

“Nosedive” featuring Lainey Wilson is this acoustic duet reminding that every thorn has it’s rose while “Losers” featuring Jelly Roll starts the 2nd half of the LP for a legitimately enjoyable tribute to all the outcasts. “Devil I’ve Been” featuring Ernest delivers a contemporary country vibe being fed up with living a life of sin while the southern “Never Love You Again” featuring Sierra Ferrell talks the road not being their friends & the long, lost highway ahead of them.

Luke Combs joins Posty yet again on the stripped-back “Missin’ You Like This” so they can both cry over exes they still dream of all these years later while “California Sober” featuring Chris Stapleton turns the country pop influences back up telling the story of a woman on the run after stealing some sucker’s money. The contemporary country-inspired “Hide My Gun” featuring Hardy asks their lovers if they would conceal their weapons while “Right About You” goes country rock once more asking if she’d still love him if we were down bad & at home.

“M-E-X-I-C-O” nears the conclusion of F-1,000,000,000,000 pulling from traditional country hangin’ ’round & broken down with a settled downtown girl prior to her diplomatic father giving him a significant amount of money for him to leave the country heading to the continent of South America while “Yours” serves as an acoustic closer paying tribute to his own daughter telling her that she’ll always be his little girl knowing one day a special man will come in her life & they’ll get married.

Starting the Long Bed deluxe run, “Fallin’ in Love” is this tacky country rock cut talking about him falling in love becoming inevitable while “Dead at the Honky Tonk” continues the aesthetics from previously singing about a hole in his heart. “Killed a Man” tries to get in his outlaw bag falling flat on his face while “Ain’t How It Ends” keeps it traditionally country whining to a woman that this can’t be the way their relationship ends.

“Hey Mercedes” throws the rock influences in the picture again asking the titular character what she has planned for tonight while the contemporary country joint “Go to Hell” sings about a love interest making him feel right & being unable to figure out exactly what makes him feel that way about her. “2 Hearts” strips things back telling us what happens when 2 hearts split in 2 while the peppy “Who Needs You?” shrugging off a bitch since he can break himself into 2. The final bonus track “Back to Texas” goes contemporary again for a tribute to the titular state.

7 years after The Based God predicted it, Post Malone has finally gone full-blown Kid Rock making his official country debut like the WWE Hall of Famer himself did resulting in one of the worst albums of this decade just like the new Falling in Reverse album Popular Monster. His takes on contemporary country, country pop, pop rock, country rock & bro-country feels more of a cash-grab as opposed to passionate although some of the guests’ performances either outshine him or match his level of awful. You’re much better off listening to Slumerican Records artist Tony Martinez’ new debut album Everywhere West, Johnny Cash’s latest posthumous effort Songwriter, Beyoncé’s 2nd act of her ongoing trilogy Cowboy Carter or even Willie Nelson’s best late career album The Border instead.

Score: 0.5/5

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Post Malone – “12kt Toothache” review

Post Malone is a 26 year old rapper, singer/songwriter & producer from Grapevine, Texas who rose to stardom in 2015 with the single “White Iverson”. This resulted in him signing to Republic Records, where’s made himself home ever since by dropping a total 3 full-lengths & a mixtape in that span of time. Now even though I’ve never really been the biggest fan of Posty’s work, there’s no denying that he has a decent amount of tracks that I genuinely enjoy like “Congratulations” as well as “rockstar” & who could forget “Sunflower”? Hell I even liked his sophomore effort beerbongs & bentleys, which I maintain is the crown jewel of his discography. It’s been almost 3 years since we last heard from him in the form of Hollywood’s Bleeding, which didn’t resonate to me because I felt like he was just riding the emo rap coattails. That being said, I didn’t know what to expect from this 4th album of his given how long it’s been since he’s put out music.

“Reputation” is a passionate piano ballad produced by longtime collaborator Louis Bell to open up the album with Posty advising the world to save themselves whereas “Cooped Up” with Roddy Ricch has somewhat of a hyphy flare to it & the way they both go on about pullin’ up to a party is just so boring. “Lemon Tree” takes a more acoustic route singing that he’s shit out of luck, but then “Wrapped Around Your Finger” goes full blown dance-pop to whine & cry about missing his ex.

Meanwhile on “I Like You (A Happier Song)”, we have Doja Cat accompanying Post for a moody trap banger with a playful attitude to it leading into the Gunna-assisted counterpart “I Cannot Be (A Sadder Song)” asking what they want them to be over a cloudy instrumental from Taurus. “Insane” obnoxiously describes a bitch that went from classy to nasty over a cavernous beat just before “Love/Hate Letter to Alcohol” comes through as my favorite off the album, as Posty wears his heart on his sleeve about alcoholism & the production is intense.

The Kid Laroi comes into the picture for “Wasting Angels”, which unfortunately wastes a synth-heavy beat for them to spit some unlikeable bars about how crazy their lives are while “Euthanasia” has a more skeletal approach in terms of sound singing that it’s not gonna hurt when he passes. “When I’m Alone” fuses these synths & punky drums only to spill more breakup melodrama while the song “Waiting For a Miracle” is yet another piano ballad about how he stays fucked up. The penultimate track “1 Right Now” is a laughable “Blinding Lights” ripoff which is a shame since The Weeknd carries it & the closer “New Recording 12, Jan 3, 2020” ends the album with an unfinished acoustic demo.

For this to be Posty’s comeback after 3 long years, I can say that I walked away from 12kt Toothache enjoying it even less than Hollywood’s Bleeding. Primarily because it seems like there’s little to no risks being taken as far as the overall sound goes & he sounds mostly uninspired throughout a good portion of the 43 minute run.

Score: 1.5/5

Post Malone – “Hollywood’s Bleeding” review

This is the 3rd full-length album from New York born & Texas raised rapper, singer/songwriter & producer Post Malone. Who rose to stardom in 2015 with the single “White Iverson”, which landed on his subpar debut album stoney at the tail-end of 2016. He took the following year off, but his sophomore album beerbongs & bentleys last spring showed a little bit of improvement as the songs were a lot catchier than last time around. And a little over a year later, here we are.

The title track essentially finds Post going on about some woman over a dull instrumental while the next song “Saint-Tropez” is a by the numbers club banger. The track “Enemies” with DaBaby sees the 2 talking about people who’ve turned against them over a moody instrumental while the song “Allergic” is a trite & obnoxious ballad.

The track “1,000 Bad Times” talking about how crazy this chick is over an airy instrumental while the song “Circles” is a whiny attempt at going indie pop. The track “Die for Me” with Future talks about scandalous women with Halsey providing a terrible verse from the ladies’ perspectives at the end over a drab beat while the song “On the Road” with Meek Mill & Lil Baby finds the 3 bragging over a generically atmospheric beat wanting to be richer than Amazon founder Jeff Bezos.

The track “Take What You Want” with Travis Scott sees the 2 diving into more romantic melodrama & not only is the instrumental equally uneventful, but the hook from Black Sabbath frontman Ozzy Osbourne on here has to be one of the worst features I’ve heard all year. The song “I’m Gonna Be” is essentially the trap equivalent to Logic’s “Don’t Be Afraid to Be Different” minus the awful Will Smith verse while the track “Staring at the Sun” with SZA is an awkward duet about their past romances over an instrumental that’s blatantly similar to the playful “Sunflower” joint that he did with Swae Lee for Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse. And funny enough too, that’s the VERY next song on the album.

The track “Internet” is basically him moaning about the things people say about him online & the song “Goodbyes” talks about leaving a girl whereas Young Thug is talking about working it out with her over a bleak instrumental. The track “Myself” sounds like a total Tame Impala ripoff while the song “I Know” talks about how his love with this woman will never be duplicated over a skeletal instrumental. The torture finally ends with “Wow.”, which is a boring sequel to “Congratulations”.

I didn’t like this. Not even a little bit. With the last album I felt like Post actually came through with writing & delivering some catchy radio hits, but this feels WAY more cumbersome. Maybe even more so than stoney was almost 3 years ago. Another thing is too that it seems like him hopping on the emo rap bandwagon & failing miserably. By far the worst thing he’s done to date.

Score: 1.5/5